How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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