Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
