It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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