Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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