The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
