I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
