am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
