drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
