so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
