Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
