Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

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(301): View more from Maryland

in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop

(551): View more from New Jersey

I really wish I could say this is a new low for you

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(865): View more from Tennessee

His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?

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