8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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