The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
