8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
