i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
