I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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