Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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