You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
