I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
