i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
