either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
