I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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