I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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