what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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