do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
