I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
