Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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