i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
