ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize