You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
