Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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