I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
