Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
