she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize