I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize