Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
soo... how was my night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize