He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Houston, we have a squirter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
