i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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