I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i have herpe
just one?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
