I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
