Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
