haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
