Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
