I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
