I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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