my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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