It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
