first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
