Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
