call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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