dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
