And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just high enough for therapy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
