I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
