cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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