you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
