I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
