I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
