so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can I color on your dick again?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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