It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
