We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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