Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
sex in a hospital.. check
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
