True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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