so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
